February 20, 2010 – 12:16 am
We here in Northern Michigan don't close schools on Martin Luther King Jr. Day …. nor do we call our main street in Traverse City MLK Boulevard …. "We're racists," jabs Jeff Garlin, before he returns to his easy comedic target … making fun of the Chicago Cubs.
February 20, 2010 – 12:03 am
Jeff Garlin is talking into the banana as if it were a cell phone. He says the joke worked at Michael Moore's house over breakfast, and he claims it's worked before in restaurants, but that it's never made people laugh while on stage. Tonight the crowd is laughing though. In fact, a woman in the front row of the State Theatre is trying to call him … on his banana phone.
"Hello," Garlin answers. "Who is this?"
"Orange," she says …
February 19, 2010 – 11:53 pm
It's OK to be fat, Jeff Garlin jokes. He's holding up an advertisement his wife found in a magazine for beach chairs that hold 500-lb dudes … and other products for the morbidly obese (stadium seat cushions, toenail clippers, anyone?)
(For good reason, I didn't blog about his last muse 5 minutes ago — an overweight man's visit to the special massage parlor).
But here's an online pic of Jeff next to another Chicago icon, Cubs manager Lou Piniella
February 19, 2010 – 11:41 pm
Jeff Garlin just let the microphone slide to crotch level …. was it intentional? was it an accident? was it a crowd pleaser? Has this been done before?
It was a sudden mishap …. now he's moved on to lobby for banning opposite-sex marriage … you know, just for laughs.
February 19, 2010 – 11:33 pm
The main act has arrived. Jeff Garlin is serenading the Traverse City faithful …. he may be dreaming about erections, he says, but he's standing upright at the State Theatre …. now!
I'm not allowed to reprint the language here on this blog that's coming out of his mouth, but let's just say that it involves, the Great Wolf Lodge, the Blue Goat, fornicating, and fudge. Mmmmm.
February 19, 2010 – 11:30 pm
Mike Toomey didn't need five minutes before he insulted my grandfather. Cause my grandpa actually goes to those Country Barn restaurants that Toomey just described, and orders things he can't taste, and tries to remember foods he could taste 60 years ago. Square shape, must be a brownie! Ouch, grandpa.
February 19, 2010 – 11:21 pm
Mike Toomey takes the stage to open for Jeff Garlin at the State Theatre in front of a full-house crowd on opening night. In front of a velvet curtain, he massages the public's funny bones with his re-written Christmas songs that emphasize how the Midwestern winters make his private parts freeze.
February 19, 2010 – 10:14 pm
Wow, three cheers for morbidity.
Teenager of the Year agreed to tell jokes on stage that were submitted by dying kids in Chicago hospitals on behalf of the Make A Wish foundation …. and record the performance live for them ….. and we're laughing at the jokes "because the kids are dying soon."
They're actually great jokes.
Like this one: What's Santa's favorite holiday? …. "Christmas!"
Or this: What's the scariest Great Lake? ….. "Lake ERIE!"
And this: What's a vegetable's favorite time of day? …. "Whenever it's not being molested!"
Or better yet: What's the best thing about being in a hospital? ….. "all the free ice cream!"
I wanna laugh, and sob, simultaneously.
February 19, 2010 – 9:49 pm
Wow! The boys from Teenager of the Year are acting out different (some offensive) sketches — as if those acts were facing off in a March Madness College Hoops tournament
First up: :"Skydiving Rapist" defeats "Eighties Night"
Next: "The Last Toilet" knocked out by "Fight Scene on Pause"
February 19, 2010 – 9:34 pm
Teenager of the Year (Joe and Tim, from the Chicago neighborhood of Lincoln Square) just acted out an uncut version of their "Doritos Collision" commercial (you know, the pizza-ranch dressing-flavored chips). The act merged snack food promotion with an entire family dying in a "collision" car wreck. Anything goes in comedy!
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