DATELINE: APRIL 1, 2007, LANSING, MICHIGAN
Residents of Michigan were stunned today by the announcement of a massive trade that sent Michigan’s full House, Senate, Governor and a number of key government officials to be named later to the Territory of Guam in exchange for left handed pitching prospect Carlos Camacho, Jr., the rights to University of Guam phenom Roberto “Big Bobby” Bordallo and 148 fruit bats.
Tiger GM Dave Dombrowski and Pistons President Joe Dumars, two of the most successful CEOs in sports, held a joint press conference Sunday morning to announce the landmark deal. “I think we did really well here,” Dombrowski remarked at the press conference. “Camacho has a heck of a heater and Joe here thinks that Bordallo could be the next Kelly Tripucka.”
Dumars expressed regret that the kicker of Matt Millen for nine fruit bats was turned down by Guam but expressed hope of a future deal. He also told the assembled reporters “This deal was really all about clubhouse chemistry. You can’t expect to turn a team around when everyone’s bickering in the locker room.”
Tiger manager Jim Leyland, who will also act as temporary Governor, agreed saying “I think everyone’s real hopeful that this new lineup will allow us to turn this state around.” He said that the winged mammals were taking well to their new home in the state’s capitol building and that every Tuesday would be Bat Day.
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